I am with you

I mentioned before that through prayer, scripture, and the Lord’s help, I was able to overcome my claustrophobia when I was younger, but I also want to share with you how the Lord helped me overcome my anger with HIM.  In my late teen years, I was angry with the Lord, that He had allowed me to go through such a traumatic experience as a child, one that affected my life in such a major way.  I could not understand and I could not make sense of His “plan”, I was just angry.  I would replay the memories I had of that day, over in my head and just keep asking WHY?  I do remember that that day, I was laughing and having fun with my family.  We were all having fun.  I then decided to make my family laugh by taking the little leather belt that used to come on old metal skates, take it off the skates, and latch the little belt around both my ankles.  Now, those of you who know the today me, are probably wondering how in the world a big guy like me was able to get something that small around both my ankles!  Now remember I was very little in age, but surprisingly for many of you, I used to be very slim.  I mean so slim that I wore extra slim pants.  SERIOUSLY!!!  Anyhow, as I wanted to make my family laugh, I began to hop around with my ankles tied together.  Getting the picture?  Well, as luck would have it, I tripped, big shocker right?  As I fell, I fell right into the corner of a coffee table we had in the living room, face first, and I literally split my lip open, from the lip up to the base of the nose.  My mom says there was blood everywhere!!  I remember crying, I remember the white towel that was being held to my face, and looking down at it, and realizing that instead of white, it was red with blood.  I remember making it to the hospital and seeing a medical helicopter that was either trying to land or take off.  Then this is where it gets interesting.  My memories go from my point of view to looking down at myself, as if an out of body experience.  I see myself in the papoose, strapped in.  I see the doctors and nurses around me.  I can see myself screaming, wanting to get out.  All of this made me angry.  Where were you God?  Why did this have to happen?  Why did you leave me alone?  One day as I was thinking through this again, I asked the same questions as I had before, yet this time, I got a gentle answer.  I was sulking and asking why, and then I heard him say, “Look again”.  What do you mean?  “Look again”.  I am looking.  Where were you I was all-alone.  “Look closer”.  I still didn’t get it.  It was at this point I think the Lord knew I was just not going to get it.  Then I heard Him say, “You are looking through my eyes”.  “I was right there the whole time, watching over you, right beside you”.  Tears began to flood my eyes as I realized and began to process His answer.  He had not forgotten me; He had not left me alone, he was right there the WHOLE time.  GOD loves me so much, that He was giving me a glimpse through His eyes, and what I saw was He looking down on me, watching over me.  How many times do you ask the same types of questions that I did?  Know He is there with you at EVERY moment.  We may not physically see Him, but He is there.  

This week, the Lord reminded me of this.  With all that has been going on, it is easy to think that the Lord has left me alone, yet He reminded me, “I was right there, and am right there now”.  He is with me, walking beside me, watching over me.  I will rest and trust in Him.  

I will leave you with one of my favorite verses.  

Psalm 4:8

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.