Update on our lives.

!!!Warning, very long blogpost.!!!

We have not blogged in a long while, but we now feel that this is the best place to share our current journey.  We have just recently completed our 8^th year here in El Paso Texas, serving our church as Global Missionaries for the Church of the Nazarene.  Our Global assignment happened last February.  We are honored that the church would choose to assign us.  Many things have changed since we arrived.  For starters, our kids have grown up.  In December Ruthy turned 15 and had a quinceañera, Josiah just turned 14 and is in a shoe size 13, and Mikayla is anxiously awaiting her 13^th birthday in May, and is in a shoe size 11 ½.  Lots of changes besides that, but through it all, God has been faithful and the constant through the good and the not so good.  

One of the main reasons for restarting our blog is because we want to update everyone on what is going on in our lives.  So much happening in our personal lives, and we have not really shared all on FB.  We want this blog to be a place where we share what is happening so that y’all will know how to pray for us, be aware of what is going on, and can share your words of support.  Lets call it a more intimate place for knowing our family.  Both Rhesa and I will be writing, from our perspectives, which we think is important.

So lets start back in September of 2019.  I Roberto was flying to Portland Oregon to attend a Work and Witness Conference.  This is something that I have done for at least the last 7 years. I have flown alone many times, and this time was no different.  I got checked in, past security, and to my gate.  I was working on changing out my SIM card on my phone as we were changing carriers.  I got everything done before we boarded, and then boarded the plane, took my window seat, and then tried to relax.  Since being in El Paso, I have flown more than ever in my life.  My normal routine is sit in my seat, make sure the air vent is pointed at me, then doze off until the refreshments are being passed out.  The dozing off had become an involuntary thing, something even my kids would make fun of me for.  I would say, “as soon as by butt hits the seat, my eyes close”.  It’s true!  It’s like I have narcolepsy or something!  HAHA!  Anyway, as we took off, something strange began to happen.  Instead of sleeping, I began to feel weird, like I was having difficulty breathing, like the place cabin was closing in on me, like claustrophobia was rearing it’s ugly head like never before.  I waited as long as I could, then I asked to go to the restroom.  The problem was that being in the small airplane restroom was not helping the situation.  I came out quickly and shared with the flight attendant that I was not feeling very well.  Then, I began to all of sudden feel very weak and it became difficult to stand.  It wasn’t a pretty picture and soon I realized I was becoming “that guy” on the plane, that would need medical attention.  Without knowing, God had already worked out the details.  They asked if anyone on the plane was either a Dr. or a nurse.  Turns out that the lady sitting right next to me, was a nurse, and since I had not come back to me seat in a while, was very concerned about me.  It seemed like my blood sugar had dropped and so the flight attendant gave up his banana and chocolates, so that I could eat something that might get me feeling better.  They also gave me some orange juice to try and help.  Well any how, long story short, I had to deplane at my connection in San Diego.  Needless to say, I was the very first person to get off the plane, on a wheelchair, and guess what, the paramedics were waiting for me at the gate!!!  Lots of excitement!  We decided that it was a panic attack that was caused by low blood sugar.  BTW, about a month before this, my Dr. put me on diabetic meds, because my blood sugar was high.  I decided to cut out some things in my GF diet, and decreased my A1C by almost a whole point, putting me out of danger and not needing meds.  Well, fast forward a couple months, and I am driving to go to church in Las Cruces, NM.  All of a sudden, it hits me, I am in what seems like a full panic attack mode.  I had decided to wear some new boots I had bought, and it became very apparent to me, that those boots were going to have to go!  I had to pull over, get out so Rhesa could drive, take the boots off, loosen my belt, and unbutton and untuck my shirt.  My panic/claustrophobia was a little much.  We arrived at church, I came in, sat down, then quickly had to run outside.  I felt like I could not breathe and my heart was pounding.  I know I looked crazy!  Rhesa decided to take me to Wal-Mart to get some new shoes, thinking that the boots might have triggered my panic attack.  Well, my heart began to pound and race, and I was not feeling well, so instead of going back to the church, (where we had left our kids, cause we thought we would be right back) we ended up going to the ER, where they told be it was just an anxiety attack and gave me a RX for anxiety meds, and was released.  It was all scary and I was not sure what to think of this all.  Was I just going crazy and was this all just anxiety?  Well, the attacks happened a couple more times, and we decided to go back to my Dr.  I was in tears explaining to her what was still going on and how it was getting worse.  I needed help because even traveling was becoming difficult.  She listened and heard.    Rhesa asked if maybe this could be an endocrine issue.  She agreed that it might and referred us to an endocrinologist.  The only thing was that my appointment was scheduled for three months away.  I was loosing hope here.  I needed answers to what was going on, and really to confirm that I was not just going crazy.  OK, that I was not going crazier that I already was!  HAHA!  I called my Dr. and told her that I was not sure I could wait so long.  She asked me to hold on, and she called and was able to get me in the next day.  I visited the endocrinologist, and explained all that was going on.  She very confidently said she had theories of what it could be, but was very certain she knew what it was.  It would need to be confirmed by some tests and labs.  This is where she put a name to what she thought it was:  PHEOCHROMOCYTOMA.  What??  What is that?!  She explained that it is an adrenal gland tumor that causes all the symptoms I had been experiencing.  I not crazy!!!  WOOHOO!!!  Wait, well just a little crazy, but that has nothing to do with this tumor!   HAHAH.  We rushed to get the tests done and then the waiting began.  Then my mind allowed satan to place doubts in my head.  What if, what if it’s not it.  What if you are really just crazy, what if you really are just losing your mind?  It seemed like forever.  We got the results and had a follow up with the Dr.  Results showed my dopamine and norepinephrine levels were hi, indicating that this was a possible pheochromocytoma.  It did not present in all the typical ways, but my dopamine levels should not be increased. Next was a CT scan.  The Dr. had warned that the CT might not pick up anything because the tumor might be 1cm or less.  Wait…  something that small could cause all of this?  Yep!  So in my heightened state of anxiety and with my issues of claustrophobia, I was not looking forward to the CT scan, but God was good and gave me peace in the midst of everything and I was able to get it all done without a problem.  We got the results back and just as the Dr. said, nothing.  So now, we know I will have to have a  PET scan done of the whole body, to be able to find this thing that is probably less than 1 cm in size.    Fast forward to last week.  My only brother died suddenly.  My heart is broken into so many pieces that I can not fully describe the level of grief I was experiencing.  I knew we would need to travel to OKC for his memorial service and was trying to prepare myself for it.  We packed the car, took care of some last minute things, then came back to the house for some things we forgot, when out of nowhere, I have the worst episode of panic and emotion I have ever had.  My blood pressure skyrocketed, my blood sugar was high, my heart was pounding out of my chest, and it was more than I could handle.  We made the difficult decision that I would not be able to make it to my brother’s service.  This is something that even now as I am writing, has and is causing me deep sadness.  I loved my brother.  He wasn’t perfect, but who is, but he was MY brother.  I loved him dearly as a kid, I remember just wanting to be like him in many ways.  I don’t know if I will be able to get over this second loss in my life, the first being my sister three years ago.   So there I sat at home broken, when we figured out a way for Rhesa and Mikayla to fly to be with my family.  We thank God for frequent flyer miles and people who were willing to share theirs too.  The night before the funeral, at about 9pm this past Thursday, I began to feel strange very quickly as I sat and watched TV.  I could literally feel adrenalin being released multiple times into my body.  I felt very warm, then all of a sudden my heart rate shot up from 75 to 164 in a matter of seconds.  It was very very scary.  It happened again and I called Rhesa right away and she suggested I go to the ER ASAP.  Ruthy, who has had her driving permit since December, would have to drive me.  She did a great job, and then she and Josiah had to drop me off, go park in the parking garage, and then find their way to the ER all by themselves.  My babies are not babies anymore, and were able to handle the stress of everything very well.  Ruthy kept a level head and calm demeanor through it all.   So I get to the registration desk explain what is happening, they send me back ASAP, do an EKG, and find that I am in Tachycardia, or rapid heartbeat.  They get me into a room and onto monitors and scans I go.  I told them about my pheochromocytoma and not sure they believed me as they kept asking me whether I smoked, drank, or did drugs.  HAHAH!  I gave them my endocrinologists info and they were able to contact her.  They got my heart rate down and kept me for observation.  I’m ok now, but a little shaken.  I was able to watch my brother’s service from the hospital room.  I also learned how strong my kids are and how mature they are, handling everything and being able to be independent while Rhesa was in OKC, and I was not able to tend to them.  God is good.  I feel better and the new medication seems to be controlling my heart rate and blood pressure.  I am so ready to find this tumor and get it out so that I can feel more like me.