I am with you

I mentioned before that through prayer, scripture, and the Lord’s help, I was able to overcome my claustrophobia when I was younger, but I also want to share with you how the Lord helped me overcome my anger with HIM.  In my late teen years, I was angry with the Lord, that He had allowed me to go through such a traumatic experience as a child, one that affected my life in such a major way.  I could not understand and I could not make sense of His “plan”, I was just angry.  I would replay the memories I had of that day, over in my head and just keep asking WHY?  I do remember that that day, I was laughing and having fun with my family.  We were all having fun.  I then decided to make my family laugh by taking the little leather belt that used to come on old metal skates, take it off the skates, and latch the little belt around both my ankles.  Now, those of you who know the today me, are probably wondering how in the world a big guy like me was able to get something that small around both my ankles!  Now remember I was very little in age, but surprisingly for many of you, I used to be very slim.  I mean so slim that I wore extra slim pants.  SERIOUSLY!!!  Anyhow, as I wanted to make my family laugh, I began to hop around with my ankles tied together.  Getting the picture?  Well, as luck would have it, I tripped, big shocker right?  As I fell, I fell right into the corner of a coffee table we had in the living room, face first, and I literally split my lip open, from the lip up to the base of the nose.  My mom says there was blood everywhere!!  I remember crying, I remember the white towel that was being held to my face, and looking down at it, and realizing that instead of white, it was red with blood.  I remember making it to the hospital and seeing a medical helicopter that was either trying to land or take off.  Then this is where it gets interesting.  My memories go from my point of view to looking down at myself, as if an out of body experience.  I see myself in the papoose, strapped in.  I see the doctors and nurses around me.  I can see myself screaming, wanting to get out.  All of this made me angry.  Where were you God?  Why did this have to happen?  Why did you leave me alone?  One day as I was thinking through this again, I asked the same questions as I had before, yet this time, I got a gentle answer.  I was sulking and asking why, and then I heard him say, “Look again”.  What do you mean?  “Look again”.  I am looking.  Where were you I was all-alone.  “Look closer”.  I still didn’t get it.  It was at this point I think the Lord knew I was just not going to get it.  Then I heard Him say, “You are looking through my eyes”.  “I was right there the whole time, watching over you, right beside you”.  Tears began to flood my eyes as I realized and began to process His answer.  He had not forgotten me; He had not left me alone, he was right there the WHOLE time.  GOD loves me so much, that He was giving me a glimpse through His eyes, and what I saw was He looking down on me, watching over me.  How many times do you ask the same types of questions that I did?  Know He is there with you at EVERY moment.  We may not physically see Him, but He is there.  

This week, the Lord reminded me of this.  With all that has been going on, it is easy to think that the Lord has left me alone, yet He reminded me, “I was right there, and am right there now”.  He is with me, walking beside me, watching over me.  I will rest and trust in Him.  

I will leave you with one of my favorite verses.  

Psalm 4:8

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Waiting

Rhesa took this picture without me knowing!

Today was the day we had been waiting for in my journey.  Today was the day that I finally was to get a P.E.T. Scan of my body to try and find this tumor that is producing the higher levels of dopamine.  I had done my research in trying to see what exactly a P.E.T. scan involved and thought I would be ok.  Rhesa and I show up to the imaging place where I was to have the scan and as we walked in to the door I was instructed to go in, only days earlier, no one was there.  The part of the building I was in was completely empty.  We come to find out that the imaging place was taking some COVID-19 precautions and I was supposed to actually come in through the main entrance, but no one called and there were no signs telling us.  We finally get someone to come and check me in and then very shortly I was taken back to get the nuclear isotope injected into me.  I mean, I know we are supposed to shine like stars in the universe, but glow???  HAHA!  I was informed that I would in fact set off radiation detectors if I was planning to fly or go through any border patrol checkpoints.  They were prepared to give me documentation if necessary.  I thought this was very interesting.  One cool thing was that in order for the technician to be safe, the isotope was in a syringe that was encased in metal made of tungsten.  The tiny room I was in, that really only fit my reclining chair and the tech, was lined with lead!  This was some serious business.  Well, I had not eaten or taken my new meds, as I was to be fasting, and soon after the isotope was injected, I began to notice that I went cold, then really hot, my heart rate increased, I became flushed, and I was having some difficulty breathing.  It felt like the time I had to go to the ER, the night before my brother’s funeral.  My body started releasing extra adrenaline as if I needed more!  I tried to calmly let the tech know that I was not feeling well, and what was going on.  He quickly went and got Rhesa from the waiting area.  Rhesa was able to sit in the hallway outside the tiny room, and talked to be for about an hour, the time that was necessary to allow the isotope to go through my body.  Now those of you who know us, know that I am the talker, but today, Rhesa spoke my love language and talked me through.  I was trying to remain calm and be okay with this necessary scan and I was able to go in the first time for about three minutes, then it happened again.  I could feel the adrenaline being released and surging through my body.  Not a good thing.  Remember, the adrenaline amplifies my claustrophobia.  I began to spiral into an episode of which I am not able to control.  The tech offered quickly, to get Benadryl to maybe help relieve some of the stress.  We agreed that that was probably the best idea.  They got me 50mg of Benadryl, which was supposed to do the trick, and NOTHING!  Oh, and I forgot to mention that by this time we had had several attempts at starting the scan, and had to ask to be pulled out of the tube.  Now granted, it is not like the MRI tube, but for someone who is hyped up on adrenaline, it might as well have been.  So after the dose of 50mg, and nothing is happening, the decision was made to give me more.  Now, I was under the understanding that 50mg was what they had ordered in total and that they had only given me 25mg and were now going to give me the second half, but I was wrong.  They did have to order a second 50mg dose, which would bring the total now to 100mg in my system.  It took a little bit for the second dose to kick in, but it did, and  I was able to relax enough to get the scan done.  It was difficult.  I never fell asleep, and I think the techs were strangely confused as to why I wasn’t completely knocked out and snoring with that much Benadryl in my system.  After the scan was done, the tech told me I had had enough Benadryl to put down a horse.  My reply was " I guess that's the problem as I'm more like an elephant"! HAHAHA! The other great thing was that Rhesa came and talked to me the whole time.  She was standing by my head talking about things, mostly just to keep my attention and keep me calm.  That girl loves me, I know.  She used up all her words for the day she said, but I know she did it out of love and I love and appreciate her for it.  In the end, it was DONE!!!  I did come home and slept for about an hour.  

Now,  I need your prayers.  Pray for the DR. that will read these scans.  Pray that the Lord give them eyes to see and find the tumor, its exact location.  Pray for me as I wait.  Waiting is the worst part.  I have an appointment on Friday with my endocrinologist, and should hopefully have results then.  If and when they locate it, then I will need you to help us pray for the next step, removing the tumor.  Right now, with all that is going on, I’m sure it will most likely not be any time soon.  We have already been told that most likely we will have to travel to Houston and have it removed at M.D. Anderson.  So pray with us, pray for us.  

I was able to get home and take my meds, and I am now feeling so much better.  Such a roller coaster ride, and honestly, I HATE roller coasters!  HAHAH!  Thanks for reading, but more than that, thanks for lifting my family and I .

Pheo chromo WHAT???!!!

Just wanted to give you some info as to what Pheochromocytoma and Paragangliomas are so that you know what I am dealing with.  As far as I know, the only way to deal with this tumor is to have it removed.  I am in the process with my endocrinologist to locate the tumor first, then GET IT OUT!!!

pheochromocytoma?

A pheochromocytoma (fee-o- kroe-moe- sy-TOE- muh) is a rare, usually noncancerous (benign), slow-growing neuroendocrine tumor that develops in cells in the center of an adrenal gland called the adrenal medulla. These two adrenal glands, one above each kidney, produce hormones that give instructions to virtually every organ and tissue in the body.  The adrenal medulla controls hormones that initiate the flight or fight response.

Pheochromocytoma produce an excess amount of catecholamine hormone, which include norepinephrine (noradrenaline), epinephrine (adrenaline), and dopamine. The release of catecholamines can cause persistent or episodic high blood pressure, headache, sweating and other symptoms. If left untreated, a pheochromocytoma can result in severe or life-threatening damage to other body systems, especially the cardiovascular system.

https://pheopara.org/education/pheochromocytoma

paraganglioma?

Paraganglioma (păr′ə-găng′glē-ō′mə) is a rare, usually noncancerous (benign), slow-growing tumor that is closely related to pheochromocytoma. It originates from outside the adrenal glands, specifically from the parasympathetic or sympathetic nervous system. Just like pheochromocytoma, paraganglioma is also characterized by the presence of an excess amount of hormones called catecholamines, which include norepinephrine (noradrenaline), epinephrine (adrenaline), and dopamine. It is these hormones that lead to persistent or episodic high blood pressure and other symptoms. Although it is rare, some paragangliomas do not produce any catecholamines, so common symptoms such as high-blood pressure, sweating or heart palpitations do not appear. 

https://pheopara.org/education/paraganglioma

Bonus Info!!!

I told Rhesa I was going to design and create this shirt for myself!  I gotta laugh and enjoy the life that was given to me!

BTW,
Yes I created this simple layout!

The journey continues.

I have gone back and forth about how honest I wanted to be with you, those who are reading this.  As ministers/missionaries, many times we feel we have to be strong and/or we cannot be completely honest or real with those we minister to or with.  Sometimes I think the expectation, whether it be self imposed or whether it is expected of us, is that we should or do not go through the same things as everyone else.  How transparent should those of us in ministry be?  I know for myself, I am usually the one helping, not the one needing the help. I am usually the one praying for someone, not needing someone to pray for me.  With all this said, I want to be honest.

As my symptoms started really to show, it seemed like what I could only describe as “panic attacks” were coming out of nowhere.  I noticed that the things I feared were amplified 100 times, to the point of irrational.  I am a pretty levelheaded guy most of the time.  Up to this point in my life, with the Lord’s help, I had learned how to control my claustrophobia.  I used to not be able to take elevators and when I was younger, even parking garages would have me sticking my head out of the window so I could feel like I could breathe.  This I know came from some childhood trauma I had when I split my upper lip open and the ER doctors forgot to numb the area before sewing.  I have memories of being strapped into a papoose like device and not being able to move, but being in horrible pain.  Small-enclosed places would set my heart racing, cause sweating, and scare me to death.  Through much prayer and reading scripture, I was able to give that fear to Jesus, and I was able to ride elevators, fly in airplanes, and do other things that required me being in small spaces.  Now honestly, a slow elevator still makes me go into prayer mode!  HAHA!  You see, with God, I was able to overcome this fear, but all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I began to have irrational reactions to this fear.  I could not stand to wear clothes that fit just a little snug, shoes that felt too tight were out of the question, and riding in the car at times was too much.  All these things would send my blood pressure sky high as the anxiety sent me into panic.  I felt like I could not breathe, my heart was racing, and I felt like I just needed to get out ASAP and RUN!  Now for those of you who know me well, know I don’t like sports and I almost have never run for anything, not even TACOS!!!!  HAHAH.  No seriously.  So for me to feel the need to just get out and start running was very very strange.  I began to notice that I could not fully concentrate and that I was being very forgetful, which for me is odd.  I can remember most things.  I have memories of before I was 2!  For real!  Yet, here I am, forgetting things.  For instance, I would be talking and I could not remember what I was talking about.  I could not remember whether I had taken my pressure meds, or conversations I had just had.  It was very frustrating for me.  I felt like I was going crazy and losing my mind, in fact I told Rhesa that several times.  I also felt like I was losing myself, as if I was slowly slipping away and couldn’t do anything about it.  We did not know at this point what was going on, and it was very scary for me.  Part of the symptoms of Pheochromocytoma can be depression and anxiety.  I had a check on anxiety but what I did not know until Rhesa was honest with me, was that I had a check for the depression also.  The funny thing was that when the “anxiety” started, or rather, when I was told that it was just all anxiety and that there was nothing else wrong, I had been given some meds to help with it.  I was told that it would help me with the symptoms.  I tried half a pill and all it did was put me to sleep, but it had no effect on diminishing the symptoms, in fact, it seemed to make them worse later on.  I spent many nights in hotel rooms, as we were still traveling, and at home, not being able to sleep but for a couple of hours.  A couple times, I shot up straight out of my sleep in full on “panic mode”.  Again, I felt like I could not breathe, my heart was racing, and I felt like I just needed to go out side and run.  It was awful, and all the while not knowing what was happening or why, and just being told it was just anxiety.  For months, I felt hopeless, truly.  Any type of small stress could send me into an episode, and I felt so out of control.  It was all just becoming too much for me.  I felt like I was not in my right mind, like chaos had invaded my life.  Three years ago, my baby sister had died of leukemia, and I was still trying to deal with that.  My mom’s health was not well at all, and my brother’s health was progressively declining.  Not to mention that Rhesa’s mom’s health was also not good.  Everything felt so overwhelming.  I tried to pray and I tried to trust, but it was as if I couldn’t.  I know we have all reached those moments in our lives where we feel like we have reached the end our rope, where we don’t know how or what to pray for, where there are no words to pray, only groans from our innermost.  This is where I found myself.  I could not even sing or play music, which is the way I have connected to the Lord all these years.  Even the words or tunes to songs were difficult for me to remember.  I felt lost, yet because of the sense of responsibility I have to my ministry, I tried to keep going, pushing myself to keep moving.  Rhesa was the only one I talked to and who could see all that was happening to me.  My heart was heavy from not only what was going on physically to me, but to those I love, my family.  What strikes me is admitting that I could not even pray for myself.  I did not have the strength.  A couple weeks ago the Lord brought my mind to a story in the Old Testament.  As Israel was fighting a battle, Moses kept his arms raised and Israel would continue to win.  As soon as Moses’s arm began to fall out of exhaustion, Israel would begin to lose.  Others had to come around him and help him raise his arms and keep them up so that victory could be had.  God reminded me that in the moments where I could not and cannot pray for myself, I should look to those around me who would help hold my arms up for victory.  In other words, ask those around me to pray for me, to lift me up when I am unable.  What a reminder of not only God’s love for me, but of the great family of God I have.  Thank you for all of you who have prayed for me, for Rhesa, and for the kids.  We need you to lift us in this time.  I have been put on new medications that are helping to control the high blood pressure and the over production of dopamine by my body.  I am having better days.  Each day seems more normal and I can function.  The fear and anxiety I had been experiencing are almost completely gone.  I can think and I can pray.  God has been in the midst of it all, every step of the way, and I know and trust that He has laid out the path for us during this time.  I can see it. I can feel Him here.  When else could I have an NP who could get me in to see an endocrinologist from one day to the next?  When else would I have an endocrinologist who knew right away what was going on?  When else would I have an endocrinologist who could get me in to see a cardiologist within a couple of days?  Honestly, even up to this point, I can see God’s hand.  Only He could make all of these things happen so seamlessly.  Even in the storms I can say GOD IS GOOD!

Hi, this is Rhesa and it’s been a long time since we have been able to slow down in ministry and just write but Robert asked me to share a little about what is going on in his health right now so this is the rest of the story. If you know me I am a pediatric nurse for 20 years now focusing in Critical care transport and most recently finished my Acute Care Pediatric Nurse Practitioner masters so my perspective will be more about the medical side of things. So be warned in reading this. In the medical field we have a deep respect for each other because we work on the other side and know the hoops we have to jump through, and protocols we have to follow but it also makes us the best advocate for family and the eyes and ears for our doctors. For example when I told the endocrinologist my husband was the wrong color her eyes snapped up and she wants to hear what I have to say. We may be accused of “leading the witness” but where Robert was saying I was feeling anxious we want broken down into the symptoms like, my heart was racing, I was sweating, I had the feeling I needed to run (he never runs for anything not even tacos) and my blood pressure was this and my oxygen was this. 

Well I remember it all started in the summer July to be exact. He had a day where he felt terrible, he was pale and sweating so I took his blood sugar and it was elevated. We went through what he had eaten and the only thing different was the veggie straws that are really high in carbs so we stopped eating those. There were no other episodes so we went on with regular life. He hates going to the doctor so I scheduled our yearly check ups together with a new NP in August since our last NP had moved on. We got labs drawn as usual and his came back with borderline high A1C and hypothyroidism. He was put on both thyroid and diabetic meds end of October. He went off to Portland by plane in September and that is when I got a text from him in the air that something was terribly wrong. Isn’t technology wonderful yet I felt helpless in that moment except to start praying.  In medicine we make a list of differential diagnosis (all the things it could be) and usually the most critical is at the top and we start ruling it out. When an adult is flying and has a medical emergency we worry most of oxygen, clots, heart and sugar.

Well I told my kids to pack a backpack for three days and we got in the car and started driving to California where Robert got off the plane as an Emergency. The pro packers that my kids are from all these years as MKs we were out the door in 20 minutes. I was texting the nurse on board and she felt like it was low blood sugar that had caused everything. The new medications were his only change that would cause something so acute so our doctor asked us to stop the medications and come in for more lab work when we got back home to El Paso. The 12-hour trip back home was not very fun. He had episodes all the way back home where he had a pounding heart and checking his sugars would go from 84 to 145 in 15 minutes without eating anything. This is also the first time I started seeing him turn very pale with these episodes and have headaches after each episode that were almost unbearable. 

We got back home went back for check ups and his labs were perfect. There was no longer any indication of diabetes or thyroid problems but there was indication for inflammation in his body and gut issues started coming 10x as bad as they had been. This was very puzzling. During this time pain also started in full force in his back and head. We got a referral to a rheumatologist but 4 months away.  Got into the gastroenteritis and they told him he had diverticulitis take fiber. 

Then the day Robert wrote about where we were at church and he had a problem with his boots. Our kids were all seated in church and at least he thought to tell me he was going outside. He was sweating, having a hard time breathing and pale again. It appears to me like he is having a heart attack. I was going to call an ambulance but if you know a Rodriguez they are quite stubborn and He would have just refused them and there service when they got there. Our compromise was that we would do his thing and get him shoes at Wal-Mart if he still had symptoms we were driving the 2 minutes to the hospital. So, I finally got him to the hospital. Looking at him the hospital staff also thought he was having a heart attack and had his blood drawn and on EKG in 5 minutes of arrival. Cardiac labs were normal and no EKG was normal also. All his labs looked perfect and the doctor even said better than his personal labs and he was no more than 120-pound guy. I did notice Roberts heart rate was slightly elevated as well as his blood pressure and his 02 was low 90’s. I’m sure because of the boot story that you can read in Roberts account the doctor just went to the easiest diagnosis and said now you have anxiety here is an anti anxiety medication. So the thing that bothered me the most about that was the idea that Robert had acute onset of anxiety without a cause, never having had a problem with shoes before. It didn’t add up in my mind. Acute episodes of anything are usually caused by a clot, heart problems, infection, a tumor, trauma or so many other things. So at this point I knew we were going to have to find a cause. I stared praying for wisdom for our doctors and that God would lead us to the right doctors who would have answers. 

We kept going back to our primary NP and we would talk through and she would listen and continued to refer us as symptoms came up. Roxanne is her name and she was God sent. One day she even called us out of the blue saying she had been thinking about us and was wondering how everything was going. 

In December the symptoms were getting worse. They were episodic meaning we never knew when symptoms would hit but he could feel it building usually during the day and could be in a safe place. Many times at night he would be jolted out of sleep with a pounding heart, high blood pressure, high sugar, pale skin that changed to purple skin color, sweating then uncontrolled trembling hands to whole body shaking. I knew it wasn’t a seizure because he was able to talk to me through it all.  This happened several times in Mexico while we were leading the Com2Mex team but thankfully we had a well-trained team who carried on without a hitch. 

In January we were on our way to Ensenada Mexico as a preparation for a summer trip and he had the worse episode yet where he had to pull over. We ended up in Phoenix Az. That night at the hotel he looked like he was seeing a lion and had to run. At some point that night I was down on my knees asking God for wisdom and He clearly said go to an Endocrinologist. His heart was pounding, pale, shaking, sweating, and hard to breath and he was unable to sleep. We we’re keeping a journal of his symptoms and vital signs during all of this. The next day we turned back and went home. I wasn’t going to let him drive at this point and it was a lot to do 12 hours by myself with very little sleep. 

We went back to our NP and I boldly asked to go to an endocrinologist. We talked about how insurance may not pay for it because he was no longer considered a diabetic. I told her at this point I was willing to pay anything. We called for an appointment and it was three months out but our NP called her friend the endocrinologist and we got a work in appointment for the very next day. We arrived at 3 pm on a Friday and were seen at 6 pm. I really felt sorry for the doctor having such a late night but I knew we were supposed to be there. They ran his A1C and it was perfect and I started to doubt. I wrote my family and close prayer partners and said “Please pray boldly with me that God gives this doctor wisdom and as soon as she hears the symptoms she will know what it is.” We met Dr. Egbuonu and I loved her instantly. She said you don’t have diabetes tell me about your symptoms.   Robert talked maybe 15 min and I filled in with the journal I was keeping with all his sugars, vital signs and she said “I have a theory but I know what it is and it may take us a while to find it.” I was praising God!! She knew what this was. She then went on to tell us it was either a Pheochromocytoma or a Paraganglioma, a rare endocrine tumor that was secreting too much adrenaline and causing all these symptoms. Just the night before one of the nurses I work with asked if he had ever been tested for a rare tumor Pheochromocytoma. 

On Robert’s birthday 1/21 we did labs and 24 hour urine collection and it was confirmed that his body was secreting too much Dopamine and Norepinephrine and that was on a good day. Most likely on symptomatic days the levels would be higher. His endocrine system was misfiring which usually is due to a tumor on the adrenals on top of the kidneys. All these tests and results feel like they are taking forever but in reality things were moving fast. The next step was a CT and our doctor said a lot of times it is negative and we have to move to a PET scan. 

We went to Houston for a faith promise service that had been scheduled for over a year and he really struggled to get there. His heart would pound so hard and all his other vital signs were off and sometimes the only thing that helped was to pull over and let everything be still for a little bit. His blood pressure cuff at one point said the heart rate was irregular and would not give us a reading. We were out in the middle of nowhere and the next available hospital was San Antonio so we kept going. In San Antonio the symptoms were gone again but I was worried about the irregular heart rhythm that is usually hard to catch unless you have continuous cardiac monitoring. I went and bought for his birthday the Apple 5 Watch that does EKG monitoring. He tried to return it because it was too much money but I won that round. I kept telling him his life was way more valuable than an expensive watch and I needed to know if or when to take him to the hospital. 

In Houston when the pastor and the church laid hands on Robert in the morning service and prayed for his healing he instantly felt relief and did not have one single more episodes for 3 1/2 days. We got home with no problems and we had three really good nights of sleep. God is good! I really felt God saying, I have you, I hear you, I’m taking care of you and I am healing you! We also needed that sleep because one week later Robert’s only brother died on a Monday. 

We got ready to leave town to go to Oklahoma City for the funeral and Roberts’s episodes had gotten frequent again and so he physically did not feel like he could go to the funeral. We talked to the kids extensively and it was decided as a family that Mikayla and I would go to the funeral and represent the family and the two oldest Ruthy and Josiah would stay back in El Paso with Robert. 

We got the CT results, which basically said we needed to move to the PET scan. An Alpha-blocker, a new medication was called in to help decrease the symptoms. 

Mikayla and I flew to OKC and spent time with the family talking, crying and making a video for the service. The night before the funeral, Robert called me saying he was sitting in his recliner watching TV and adrenaline just started surging through his body harder than ever before. His heart was pounding. It went away in 2 minutes but then it hit again. His heart would surge from 80-160 in seconds. I asked for an EKG and it looked like Junctional Tachycardia on the portion of the EKG strip from his watch. I told him to call the ambulance or have Ruthy drive him to the closest hospital. He chose to have Ruthy drive. 

Well he was kept overnight where they worked to lower his blood pressure and heart rate and everyone studied about rare Pheochromocytoma’s. Now he remains on both an Alpha and Beta-blocker. We are all back in town and going to another appointment on Monday. Anticipating the PET scan will be ordered this week. 

Through it all God is faithful and good!! We see Him at work in every step! 

Update on our lives.

!!!Warning, very long blogpost.!!!

We have not blogged in a long while, but we now feel that this is the best place to share our current journey.  We have just recently completed our 8^th year here in El Paso Texas, serving our church as Global Missionaries for the Church of the Nazarene.  Our Global assignment happened last February.  We are honored that the church would choose to assign us.  Many things have changed since we arrived.  For starters, our kids have grown up.  In December Ruthy turned 15 and had a quinceañera, Josiah just turned 14 and is in a shoe size 13, and Mikayla is anxiously awaiting her 13^th birthday in May, and is in a shoe size 11 ½.  Lots of changes besides that, but through it all, God has been faithful and the constant through the good and the not so good.  

One of the main reasons for restarting our blog is because we want to update everyone on what is going on in our lives.  So much happening in our personal lives, and we have not really shared all on FB.  We want this blog to be a place where we share what is happening so that y’all will know how to pray for us, be aware of what is going on, and can share your words of support.  Lets call it a more intimate place for knowing our family.  Both Rhesa and I will be writing, from our perspectives, which we think is important.

So lets start back in September of 2019.  I Roberto was flying to Portland Oregon to attend a Work and Witness Conference.  This is something that I have done for at least the last 7 years. I have flown alone many times, and this time was no different.  I got checked in, past security, and to my gate.  I was working on changing out my SIM card on my phone as we were changing carriers.  I got everything done before we boarded, and then boarded the plane, took my window seat, and then tried to relax.  Since being in El Paso, I have flown more than ever in my life.  My normal routine is sit in my seat, make sure the air vent is pointed at me, then doze off until the refreshments are being passed out.  The dozing off had become an involuntary thing, something even my kids would make fun of me for.  I would say, “as soon as by butt hits the seat, my eyes close”.  It’s true!  It’s like I have narcolepsy or something!  HAHA!  Anyway, as we took off, something strange began to happen.  Instead of sleeping, I began to feel weird, like I was having difficulty breathing, like the place cabin was closing in on me, like claustrophobia was rearing it’s ugly head like never before.  I waited as long as I could, then I asked to go to the restroom.  The problem was that being in the small airplane restroom was not helping the situation.  I came out quickly and shared with the flight attendant that I was not feeling very well.  Then, I began to all of sudden feel very weak and it became difficult to stand.  It wasn’t a pretty picture and soon I realized I was becoming “that guy” on the plane, that would need medical attention.  Without knowing, God had already worked out the details.  They asked if anyone on the plane was either a Dr. or a nurse.  Turns out that the lady sitting right next to me, was a nurse, and since I had not come back to me seat in a while, was very concerned about me.  It seemed like my blood sugar had dropped and so the flight attendant gave up his banana and chocolates, so that I could eat something that might get me feeling better.  They also gave me some orange juice to try and help.  Well any how, long story short, I had to deplane at my connection in San Diego.  Needless to say, I was the very first person to get off the plane, on a wheelchair, and guess what, the paramedics were waiting for me at the gate!!!  Lots of excitement!  We decided that it was a panic attack that was caused by low blood sugar.  BTW, about a month before this, my Dr. put me on diabetic meds, because my blood sugar was high.  I decided to cut out some things in my GF diet, and decreased my A1C by almost a whole point, putting me out of danger and not needing meds.  Well, fast forward a couple months, and I am driving to go to church in Las Cruces, NM.  All of a sudden, it hits me, I am in what seems like a full panic attack mode.  I had decided to wear some new boots I had bought, and it became very apparent to me, that those boots were going to have to go!  I had to pull over, get out so Rhesa could drive, take the boots off, loosen my belt, and unbutton and untuck my shirt.  My panic/claustrophobia was a little much.  We arrived at church, I came in, sat down, then quickly had to run outside.  I felt like I could not breathe and my heart was pounding.  I know I looked crazy!  Rhesa decided to take me to Wal-Mart to get some new shoes, thinking that the boots might have triggered my panic attack.  Well, my heart began to pound and race, and I was not feeling well, so instead of going back to the church, (where we had left our kids, cause we thought we would be right back) we ended up going to the ER, where they told be it was just an anxiety attack and gave me a RX for anxiety meds, and was released.  It was all scary and I was not sure what to think of this all.  Was I just going crazy and was this all just anxiety?  Well, the attacks happened a couple more times, and we decided to go back to my Dr.  I was in tears explaining to her what was still going on and how it was getting worse.  I needed help because even traveling was becoming difficult.  She listened and heard.    Rhesa asked if maybe this could be an endocrine issue.  She agreed that it might and referred us to an endocrinologist.  The only thing was that my appointment was scheduled for three months away.  I was loosing hope here.  I needed answers to what was going on, and really to confirm that I was not just going crazy.  OK, that I was not going crazier that I already was!  HAHA!  I called my Dr. and told her that I was not sure I could wait so long.  She asked me to hold on, and she called and was able to get me in the next day.  I visited the endocrinologist, and explained all that was going on.  She very confidently said she had theories of what it could be, but was very certain she knew what it was.  It would need to be confirmed by some tests and labs.  This is where she put a name to what she thought it was:  PHEOCHROMOCYTOMA.  What??  What is that?!  She explained that it is an adrenal gland tumor that causes all the symptoms I had been experiencing.  I not crazy!!!  WOOHOO!!!  Wait, well just a little crazy, but that has nothing to do with this tumor!   HAHAH.  We rushed to get the tests done and then the waiting began.  Then my mind allowed satan to place doubts in my head.  What if, what if it’s not it.  What if you are really just crazy, what if you really are just losing your mind?  It seemed like forever.  We got the results and had a follow up with the Dr.  Results showed my dopamine and norepinephrine levels were hi, indicating that this was a possible pheochromocytoma.  It did not present in all the typical ways, but my dopamine levels should not be increased. Next was a CT scan.  The Dr. had warned that the CT might not pick up anything because the tumor might be 1cm or less.  Wait…  something that small could cause all of this?  Yep!  So in my heightened state of anxiety and with my issues of claustrophobia, I was not looking forward to the CT scan, but God was good and gave me peace in the midst of everything and I was able to get it all done without a problem.  We got the results back and just as the Dr. said, nothing.  So now, we know I will have to have a  PET scan done of the whole body, to be able to find this thing that is probably less than 1 cm in size.    Fast forward to last week.  My only brother died suddenly.  My heart is broken into so many pieces that I can not fully describe the level of grief I was experiencing.  I knew we would need to travel to OKC for his memorial service and was trying to prepare myself for it.  We packed the car, took care of some last minute things, then came back to the house for some things we forgot, when out of nowhere, I have the worst episode of panic and emotion I have ever had.  My blood pressure skyrocketed, my blood sugar was high, my heart was pounding out of my chest, and it was more than I could handle.  We made the difficult decision that I would not be able to make it to my brother’s service.  This is something that even now as I am writing, has and is causing me deep sadness.  I loved my brother.  He wasn’t perfect, but who is, but he was MY brother.  I loved him dearly as a kid, I remember just wanting to be like him in many ways.  I don’t know if I will be able to get over this second loss in my life, the first being my sister three years ago.   So there I sat at home broken, when we figured out a way for Rhesa and Mikayla to fly to be with my family.  We thank God for frequent flyer miles and people who were willing to share theirs too.  The night before the funeral, at about 9pm this past Thursday, I began to feel strange very quickly as I sat and watched TV.  I could literally feel adrenalin being released multiple times into my body.  I felt very warm, then all of a sudden my heart rate shot up from 75 to 164 in a matter of seconds.  It was very very scary.  It happened again and I called Rhesa right away and she suggested I go to the ER ASAP.  Ruthy, who has had her driving permit since December, would have to drive me.  She did a great job, and then she and Josiah had to drop me off, go park in the parking garage, and then find their way to the ER all by themselves.  My babies are not babies anymore, and were able to handle the stress of everything very well.  Ruthy kept a level head and calm demeanor through it all.   So I get to the registration desk explain what is happening, they send me back ASAP, do an EKG, and find that I am in Tachycardia, or rapid heartbeat.  They get me into a room and onto monitors and scans I go.  I told them about my pheochromocytoma and not sure they believed me as they kept asking me whether I smoked, drank, or did drugs.  HAHAH!  I gave them my endocrinologists info and they were able to contact her.  They got my heart rate down and kept me for observation.  I’m ok now, but a little shaken.  I was able to watch my brother’s service from the hospital room.  I also learned how strong my kids are and how mature they are, handling everything and being able to be independent while Rhesa was in OKC, and I was not able to tend to them.  God is good.  I feel better and the new medication seems to be controlling my heart rate and blood pressure.  I am so ready to find this tumor and get it out so that I can feel more like me.